Lemondrop

You've huffed. You've puffed. And dammit, you still can't get yourself off.

Well, screw that -- literally. If an orgasm is proving to be too elusive for your liking, it might be time to buckle down, call in sick, turn off the phone, and try your hand (or vibrator) at these "Big O" tips provided by Clare Cavanah, sex educator and co-founder of adult toy shop Babeland.com (link NSFW).

Ladies, start your engines ...

Getting in the Zone
With women, an orgasm often hinges on what's going on in our heads. Of course, what gets one woman into that preferred mental space may not work for another gal, so it's best to figure out what you need to feel your sexiest.

"Knowing what turns you on and keeps you turned on helps a lot," Cavanah says. "A good fantasy can play into what's happening in reality. Sexy talk, even just talking about what you are doing, can add a layer of hotness.

"Put your phone away -- far, far away. Also, banish all your stressful thoughts as much as possible. Be as fully present in the moment as you can be, and see what happens."

You just couldn't resist, could you? You're completely single, with nary a warm body in sight, and yet you just had to go and watch the Speedo scene from "Casino Royale." In slow motion. And guess what? Now you want it.

The bad news? You don't have Daniel Craig on speed-dial. And it's unlikely that Mr. Right is waiting for you at your local bar armed with a box of Trojans and a non-judgmental attitude about having sex on the first date.

But if it's Mr. Right Now you're looking for, these tactics will help you get some no-strings-attached booty by Sunday brunch.

Busting Out the Booty Call
Most of us have that guy -- usually an ex -- that we reserve for a horny day. You know, the one you have saved as "Do Not Call!" in your phone? The one who, despite his douchebagginess, can still locate your G-spot with his hands tied behind his back?

If you're really feeling the need for some lovin', go ahead and give him a call, but on your terms. That means not shamelessly drunk dialing him but rather texting or calling him sober so that you have control, asking him to come to your place (let him do the walk of shame) and kicking him out before 11 am the next day.

Just because you're not boiling bunnies doesn't mean you're totally over your ex (Exhibit A: last Friday's 3 a.m. drunk-dialing episode). Just ask Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso, authors of the post-relationship guide, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex*."

The book's premise: that keeping your ex in your life, aka "exing" -- whether that involves a no-strings-attached hook-up or daily monitoring of his Facebook page -- is sabotaging your future happiness. Here are six common exing patterns to 86 from your life (along with that bloke!).

1. Putting your ex on a pedestal. In reality, Roger was mediocre in bed, wore too much cologne, and hogged the remote. But now that he's no longer in your life, Mr. Ho Hum has become Mr. The One Who Got Away, the guy that no lackluster blind date can hold a candle to.

It's common to exaggerate an ex's good qualities, or even to over-dramatize his bad qualities, but by building him up to be this epic character, you're giving him a starring role in your life rather than the walk-on part he truly was. Put differently, "By making your ex into Superman," Belle and Fiordaliso write, "he actually becomes your kryptonite."

Nobody's perfect, but if your relationships tend to peter out after, oh, two dates or so, your romance MO might be due for a checkup. Five common dating habits are most often to blame -- read on to identify these buzzkills so you can avoid them in the future.

1. Adopting a Loser Mentality
OK, so maybe your job does suck, that skirt does make your ass look huge, and (woe!) you don't know which fork is the salad one. Your date doesn't need to know that. Fishing for compliments is another doomed tactic, because if he doesn't chirp in right away with what we want to hear ("Don't be silly, darling, you're much hotter than Charlize Theron! And a better actress too!), you get irritated. He, meanwhile, is thinking that it's hard work seeing someone who needs so much reassurance.

The signs: Acting like the date has already been a bust, or that you're lucky this gorgeous creature has even deigned to share the same oxygen as you, reads as insecurity. And guess what -- insecurity isn't sexy.
The solution: Be confident, and focus on your positive qualities; challenge yourself to make a self-congratulatory joke instead of a self-deprecating one at least once in front of him. If that doesn't come naturally to you, wear something that you love (and that flatters your figure), and listen to an upbeat, energy-boosting song on your way to the date.

Sexual dry spells happen to everyone. One day you're loved up; the next you're single, alone and Mapquesting nearby nunneries. Welcome to your secondary virginity, a dry spell of Sahara proportions.

The good news? Almost every dry-speller we spoke to said that celibacy -- voluntary or not -- was a valuable growth experience, helping some feel more confident while others relished the surplus of "me time." And surely that's worth more than, say, sleeping with one of these blokes.

We discovered three main types of dry spells and spoke with survivors for insight.

Type 1: The Spiritual Dry Spell
So you've been to paradise, but you've never been to ME, right? Many see a period of celibacy as an opportunity to reboot, reassess and do a little monk-like soul-searching. Theresa (not her real name), coming out of a messy breakup, dealing with the challenges of being a single mother, and focusing on "growing up" after years of excessive drinking, went this route at age 30.

Craving a Halloween costume that's not so much scary as it is stylish? Why not pay homage to an iconic fashion personality? From a ghoulish Karl Lagerfeld to a monstrous cat-wielding Kenley Collins, these get-ups are just right for fashionistas who are less into "boo" and more into "Goo ... cci."

Anna Wintour

Between her pow-wow with David Letterman and the success of "The September Issue," it may just be the Year of the Icy British Editrix.

Shopping List:
-elegant dress or skirt suit
-bobbed wig with bangs
-fabulous heels
-devil's accessories
-sunglasses
-copy of Vogue
-haughty attitude

Costume:
You may not be able to snap your fingers and have a designer frock suddenly appear, but you can fake it. Simply throw on your finest skirt suit or dress (bearing in mind that Ms. Wintour does not do black), affix an inverted triangle Prada label you've cleverly made out of construction paper, stick some devil's horns atop your bobbed wig, and slap on some giant black shades. Extra points for carrying a copy of Vogue or having your giant Andre Leon Talley lookalike BFF hover behind you in a cape.

Karl Lagerfeld

Sure, there are plenty of vampires out on Halloween, but what about the other Prince of Darkness? Herr Karl's scary style is sure to elicit a few chills ... though you may have to pass on the caramel apples and Kit Kat bars -- they're not on his cigarette and Diet Coke diet.

Shopping List:
-black suit (or black blazer and black jeans)
-white button-down blouse
-black tie
-black sunglasses
-black boots
-gray wig with black ribbon
-gloves
-silver jewelry

Costume:
Pair a black blazer and trousers with a white button-down shirt, black necktie and ominous black shades. Feel free to jazz it up with creepy leather gloves or a silver crucifix, which Karl clearly only wears to prove he's not a vampire (as if). Don a long gray wig worthy of the silver fox, and tie it up in a ponytail with black ribbon. The final touch: a grim-faced glare.

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Your honey makes your toes curl, your palms sweat, your heart flutter, and your stomach churn ... or was that the bean burrito you had for lunch?

In every relationship there comes a time when nature calls and you have to ask yourself, 'Am I comfortable enough around this person to let 'er rip?' Or maybe, like Carrie in that one episode, your sheet session is embarrassingly interrupted by an unexpected toot coming from -- oh, dear God no -- you.

You're not alone. According to a recent survey by CharcoCaps AntiGas products, 15 percent of adults have 'fessed up to farting during sex, while 72 percent say they've passed gas in front of someone else. So what if that "someone else" is your sexy new lover? Read on to see how real couples broke the breaking-wind barrier.

Toot Survival Technique 1: Don't Ask, Don't Smell
Gas may be a fact of life, but for some couples it's an issue best kept behind the bathroom door. Take Cynthia, who, even after 18 years of marriage, says that publicly passing gas is a no-go.

There are plenty of good reasons to have a boyfriend. Sex. Opening pesky pickle jars. Um, sex. But let's not forget the added bonus of nipping into your guy's dresser drawers and claiming the loot inside for yourself. Read on to get the lowdown on which dude duds to "borrow" for your wardrobe.

Jean Jacket: Next time your man has his back turned, nick his rugged denim jacket. With '90s grunge style rearing its head once again, a jean jacket makes for a nice layering piece that will toughen up your flirty floral sundresses and add a casual spin on your dressier pieces. Roll up the sleeves, add some retro "flair" buttons, or throw on a brooch to give the jacket some feminine mystique.

Button-Down Work Shirt: Is there anything better than lazing around in your man's oversize Oxford? If your fella is of the Big & Tall persuasion, turn his crisp button-down into a sassy shirtdress by adding a belt and heels; just make sure that there's no tell-tale pocket hovering over your waist. If he's on the smaller side, roll up the shirt sleeves and try pairing it with a fitted black or gray pencil skirt. You can also pair the shirt with skinny jeans and pearls for a boyishly glam look.

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